Tim's Mart exposed as drug-trafficking front

Downtown purveyor of 80's fashion, Tim's Mart, was subjected to a recent drug bust during a sting operation performed by the Frederickstopia Police Department. Police confiscated 1200 pounds of snow, a black garbage bag full of hash, and a crapload of illegal firearms. "They had some pretty cool guns," responded police spokeswoman Natatia Bledsoe when asked for comments. "Not really," she said when asked if she had further comments.

The bust doesn't come as a surprise to most city residents. "I always just assumed everyone in town knew that it was a front for drugs and weapons," said city resident Jym Horak, "I mean wasn't it obvious." "Jym should understand that Frederickstopia is a city and not a town," responded mayor Tom Tomzak.

The city has decided to turn the building over to Frederickstopia All Ages, a local music project for students. "This is huge," said FAA project leader Adam Bray, "this is bigger than that time Obama came to town." "Again, Adam needs to understand that Frederickstopia is a city and not a town," Tomzak responded.

Not everyone is happy with the city's decision though. "Where will I go to get a wig?" asked a very hairy Dan Finnegan, "I mean, I don't anticipate ever needing a wig, but just in case I do, I'd like to know I have that option." Other residents sharing Finnegan's opinion declined to comment.